Let me share with you a Hawaiian version of "Twas The Night Before Christmas" my good pal Tori send me.
"Da Night Befoa Christmas"
Was da night befoa' Christmas, and all ova' da place
Not even da geckos was showin' da face.
Da Stockings was hangin' on top da TV
(cause no mo' fireplace in Hawaii)
Da kids stay all crashed, my old man too
Dey leave all the work for you-know-who!
So me, I stay pickin' up alla thier toys,
When - Boom! - outside get only big noise!
I ran to da window, I open 'em up, I stick out my head and I yell,
"Eh! Whassup?!"
And den, I no can believe what I seen!
Was so unreal, you know what I mean?
Dis' fat haole (white) guy get his reindeers im my yahd!
And reindeers not housebroken, you know, as' why hahd!
But nevmind, this Christmas, so I cut 'em some slack.
Plus, had uku (plenty) pile presents p0kin' out his sack!
So I wait till he pau (finish) tie up his reindeers,
Den I yell out da window, "Hui! Brah, ova hea!
I tell 'em first ting, when he open da doa,
"Eh, hemo (take off) yo shoes! You going dirty my floa!"
He take off his boots, he tell,
He tell, "You know who I am?"
I go, " From da smell, must be Mr. Toe Jam!"
He make menepuchi (big eye fish) eyes and he go,
"Ho, ho, ho!"
By now I stay thinking dis' guy kinda slow.
He look like my Tutu, (granny) but little less weight,
And his beard stay so white, mo' white than shark bait!
He stay all in red, 'specially his nose,
And get reindeer spit on top his nice clothes!
But him, he no kea, he just smile at me,
And he start fo put presents unda-neat da tree.
I tell 'em, "Eh, brah, no need make la "dat,
And watch wea you step! You gona ma-ke (kill) da cat!"
Den out from his bag, he wen' pull one brand new compudah,
Choke vedio games, and one motorized scoodah!
He try to fill up da Christmas socks too,
But had so much pukas (holes) da stuff went fall thru.
When he pau, (finish) I tell 'em, "Eh Santa, try Wait!
I get plenty leftovahs, I go make you one plate!"
But he nevah like hang, he had so much fo do;
Gotta make all dem small kids wishes come tru.
So I wave 'em goodbye, and I flash 'em da Shaka,
And I tell 'em, "Mele Kalikimaka!"
When he hea dat, he Stop... and I telling you true, He go,
"Garans ball-barans!, Merry Christmas too!
Merry Christams and Happy New Years from Hawaii.
Tutuwahine
